I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks pregnant. I didn't fully understand what this would mean until I went to my first meeting with an educator. What I came to realize was that it's a part-time job that can often feel like full-time. You have to get up and be sure to test your blood within 10 minutes of waking- then you have to make sure you eat no later than 10 hours from your last snack the night before. Breakfast can't include any fruit- and can only contain 15-30 carbs depending on your plan. You have to test your blood one hour after that, and preferably will have walked for 15 minutes after breakfast.
You *must* eat a snack 2-3 hours later- finally some fruit, but only one piece, and you have to be sure to pair it with protein. Lunch is 2-3 hours later, followed by another 15 minute walk, and another prick to test your blood one hour after that. 2-3 hours later, another snack, 2-3 hours later, dinner, 15 minute walk, one hour later, another prick. 2-3 hours later, another snack, and finally, you're done for the day.
All day long, you're charting, setting timers, measuring and planning out meals, and hoping and praying your numbers are good.
As someone who has fought for years the urge to obsess over food and dieting, this was and is, extraordinarily challenging for me. I hate having my whole day revolve around food. I had finally reached a point in my life where I ate in moderation, enjoying treats without guilt, free from labeling everything I put in my mouth as "good" or "bad." Gestational diabetes felt like taking an eraser to all that in a single instant. I have a constant reminder every time I test my blood that I "fail" if I don't follow my plan perfectly.
The cruelest part about it all, though, is you *can* be perfect and still have bad numbers. Gestational diabetes is a result of the placenta making too many hormones that throw off your ability to process sugar, thus sky-rocketing the amount of sugar in your blood and consequently, baby's blood. That's why gestational diabetes will almost always go away after you deliver, because once the placenta is gone, your body goes back to normal. You know how some women want to encapsulate their placenta after birth? How some want to bury it as part of some sort of sacred ritual? Yeah not me- I have a midnight bonfire burning ceremony planned for that sucker.
For all of this, however, I have to say I'm grateful. Why?
Because there is always some good, some lesson in suffering- there is always a reason for it, as biting and as awful as it is in the moment.
When my baby girl is born, she'll be on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule, which I'm already on. So for starters, I'm being prepped for that routine. It also helped me pull the breaks on the amount of weight I was gaining- I'm sure if I hadn't had to be accountable, I could easily have oreo-ed and dorito-ed my way up to 200 lbs 😑 Finally, and most importantly, it's preparing me to put my daughter's needs above my wants. I don't *want* to draw blood 4 times a day, I don't *want* to say no to that slice of cake, I don't *want* to write down every single thing I put in my mouth, but it's what my daughter needs, so it's what I sacrifice.
I now have empathy, I now have a place in my heart for all those who suffer with diabetes. Who don't just have to deal with this for a few months, but who have to deal with it their whole lives. This is a way no one should have to live. And that's what suffering does- it creates greater space in our hearts for true compassion, for words to say when someone approaches us with that cross they've been carrying, for the ability to see life in a different way.
+St. Philomena | St. Gianna | pray for us+
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