Stop Thinking

I don’t think I realize that I do it, or how much stress it puts on my body, but I stress; I stress so much. I am a chronic worrier. I see the scary side of the future and I overthink bad consequences. I focus, and focus, and focus on problems and get too overwhelmed to find solutions. This is a problem.

When I become too focused on a problem, when I worry and obsess about all possibilities and the size of my thoughts, I retreat, and not necessarily to a good place. I avoid, and I watch TV or read articles or eat another chip, and before I know it, I’ve spun myself into a web of unbearable stress.

Today as I journaled, I heard the voice of God in my heart: “Did you ever think that maybe I am calling you to do exactly what you are doing?” What a thought. Maybe I don’t have to stress about my future and figure out what the next step in my life should be; maybe the future God is calling me to is peace.

Why is this so hard? Because it all goes back to the overactive mind- the thoughts that race a million miles an hour. Even though we may be stuck in a lack of action, our brains push on. And we think to the point of exhaustion. And when we’re too tired from thinking, we try to shut it off by redirecting ourselves and diverting ourselves with mind-numbing activities.

I was called today to turn off my brain and embrace silence. I was called to lie down in a comfortable position, close my eyes, and stop thinking. I haven’t done that in months- no wonder I’m so stressed! I paid attention to my breathing. I witnessed thoughts instead of accepting them, and as quickly as they came to me, I let them float away. I felt deep, quenching, absolute peace, in my heart, in my brain, in my soul, in my body. My entire being, suspended in the most delicious darkness, the most satisfying silence. I couldn’t drink enough, and allowed myself to continue to be in this state.

Encouragement: try this. I want to help you- I want you to experience this life-changing exercise. I don’t have to know all the answers; I just have to let go and accept what God wants to give me- what He wants me to share with others. There’s a time for action, and a time for rest. Do you need some rest today? Please take it. As I opened my Bible for today’s readings I could not believe what I saw. The Gospel reading, like the cherry on top, like the love letter it was meant to be: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30

100 Miles an Hour

As I sat down to breakfast this morning, I thought I would take a moment and read the daily readings for today. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that today's Gospel reading was about Mary and Martha. I have been on a decision and to-do list roller coaster this past month and knew that God was speaking to me very clearly in this message. It seems lately that my mind races like Martha's, longs to be still like Mary's, but all the while feels guilty about taking a "time out."

God’s message is alluring and gentle: “You don’t have to go 100 miles an hour, all. the. time. Slow down. Slow down.” However, I feel guilty when I don’t go 100 miles an hour. I look at my husband who works so hard and think: “I’m not going fast enough.” I look at my friends who are excelling in life and career and think: “I’m going too slow, I need to move faster.” I look at yesterday’s to-do list, see too few items checked off, and think: “I’m way behind here,” and that old friend, Guilt, comes and whispers these phrases of failure to me in a continuous repeat.

This isn’t the way God wants us to feel. He doesn’t want us to be weighed down by these negative and destructive statements. He comes in today’s Gospel and whispers a new phrase to us: “Slow down, my dear, slow down. Breathe. Come rest. Relax back a while and let me love you.”

We don’t all have this luxury, do we? Some of us have young children, fast-paced careers, families, responsibilities, duties. Yes, we must do them, yes we must attend to our daily tasks. But let us let God’s words soothe and soften our hearts, and think about how we can respond accordingly in the manner each of us is capable. Could you find 5 minutes, or even one, to be still, and close your eyes, and picture God’s love washing over you like a warm, smoothing wave? Perhaps you don’t have to be on edge, tense your muscles, clench your teeth, and compulsively race through your day. Perhaps you could be a little gentler on yourself and move through your daily tasks in a calm and focused way. Instead of mentally flogging yourself at your failures, let your Father’s hands fall softly on your shoulders, let Him look into your eyes and let Him say: “My child, it’s okay. It’s okay. I am proud of you and I love you just as you are. I see you, and not your failures. Let me love you a little while. Guilt has no place here- let it go.”

Your Father is kind and loving, and He understands you and your mind. He knows you are trying your best, He knows when you are too exhausted to try, and He knows how much you hate yourself when you fail. What He comes to us today and says is that we don’t have to go so fast all the time; it’s OK to be Mary, not just sometimes, but dare I say it, all the time. Mary’s mind is focused on love, Martha’s mind is focused on loving service. Martha’s goal is just as noble and good as Mary’s, but Mary has allowed herself to slow the pace. She permits herself to recline at Jesus’ feet and be nourished and filled to the brim. We must first take a breath before we can exhale it out- we must first take in the embrace of love before we can give it away.

If you are frazzled, if you are anxious, if you are worried and overwhelmed, Jesus invites you today to slow… down. Relax at His feet; be renewed and refreshed. Release your guilt; it will most likely try to pull you away from this much-needed pause. Reassure yourself that this is what God wishes for you- He wants you to come into His arms, lay down your burdens and troubles, and be embraced. 10 seconds, 5 minutes, half an hour- whatever you can spare, allow yourself permission today to slow down, relax, and be loved.

“One thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.” –Luke 10:42

Step Into The Unknown

In the fall of 2008, I found myself staring into the mirror in an abandoned airport bathroom. Mascara smeared, eyes redder than fire, body weak and heart broken, I wondered what the hell I was doing here. Why had I left Texas? Texas: the home that had held and rocked me 18 years in its warm embrace. My luggage was gone, my ride delayed, my license stolen, my heart aching for having left the familiar and the lovely. Was it a mistake? Perhaps- but it was too late to do anything now. The loans had been taken out and there was nothing for it now but to gather up all the courage I had and step into the unknown. There I was- exhausted, scared, unsure, homesick, lonely; driving away in a white van; off to college.

The next four years can only be summed up in a simple yet appropriate word: unforgettable. It was there that I met my husband; it was there that I grew into a young woman; it was there that I was formally educated in the ways of the world; it was there that I made friendships that would last a lifetime, and memories that would never fade. What would have happened if I had decided to turn around and take the next flight out? Where would I be now if my courage had failed me and brought me back to “safety”? There really is no way of telling. I trust, however, that the path I chose, though scary and unknown, was the right one for me to take. I’ve often found it the case that the thing we fear the most is the very thing that opens up new layers of our best self. The future we fear is usually never the reality we experience.

So today, I challenge you to look at your life and face what scares you. Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t seem to shake those feelings of anxiety and paralysis. Don’t be afraid to step into the unknown, especially if you know in your heart that it’s right. You never know what’s just around the corner; it could be the very thing that could change your life in ways you never would have imagined.