Working Through the Results

I did not vote for Donald Trump. I did not vote for Hillary Clinton.

I'm probably one of the least educated people I know when it comes to politics. I pick up on things because Cyril is a genius in political matters and he helps me understand what's going on and what things mean.

I was fascinated, however, by this election. It started so early. And there were so many candidates, so much drama, so many angles and so many opinions, you couldn't help but get sucked into the enormity of it all- even as someone who normally doesn't pay attention to or know much about politics.

I watched the debates. I read the articles. I watched as both Republicans and Democrats created idols of their candidates and started the slow, sinister process of demonizing each other's party. A shadow was cast and the poison spread across our country as each party looked at the other candidate and began to dissect, belittle, and dehumanize these two.

Regardless of your opinion, you would probably admit that there was no good here. I don't think the words "peace" or "joy" would describe the way you felt after having a conversation about the election. You probably felt indignant, proud, passionate, afraid, demoralized, and above all, angry. These are not fruits of the Spirit. These are the delights of the devil.

And I submit that this election season was one of the great tests of our time. How would you conduct yourself? How would you treat your neighbor when the lines were drawn? How would you navigate the moral complexity of this impossible situation?

As a Christian, but particularly as a Catholic, I was astonished by the way some of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ were conducting themselves. I understood those who took the time to research, to discern with prayerful hearts and explain their reasoning with calm and clear rationalization. What I could NOT understand and what shocked me were those who openly and defiantly abandoned the teachings of Christ - who turned their back on everything we stand for and believe in as Catholics; not ONLY in their tolerance for and even support of the vile, vulgar, and hateful statements of the Republican candidate, but also in their striking lack of basic human dignity and respect for the Democratic candidate. The things I heard, and the arguments I witnessed were nothing short of horrific. I was scandalized by the way these Catholics and Christians displayed with such relish their cruel behavior.

We are allowed and encouraged to have morals. We are allowed and encouraged to have opinions. What distinguishes us from the world, however, is our behavior, our example, our loving and merciful disposition. We are temples of the Holy Spirit- we are the body of Christ- we are expected to hold ourselves to a higher standard of living and relating.

Having said this, I know that these angry and irrational behaviors were largely sparked by the prejudice and verbal persecution we experience on a daily basis as people of faith. You'll often hear the Democratic party say that we as Catholics and/or Christians, who agree with most of the principles of the Republican party, are intolerant bigots, just because we have opinions about morality and the way we live our lives. Do they think we don't feel the weight of discrimination and prejudice just as much as those they claim we discriminate against? There is no flawless side here.

My point in writing all this is to say- I'm very confused and conflicted; not unlike I felt before the election. I think a lot of our country feels the same way. We knew to a certain extent what we were going to get with a Clinton presidency- we're not so sure what we are going to get with a Trump presidency. We hope any president of ours will be strong, kind, merciful, fair, fighting for and protecting the principles of life (in all cases and all forms: the unborn, the elderly, the sick, the poor), liberty (to exercise the freedoms written into our constitution by our forefathers), and the pursuit of happiness. We hope this man will be given the grace to conduct himself in such a way. Some of us are unsure of his ability to do so.

But I do not think this is a time to despair or give in to anxiety and fear. I think this is a time to take a deep breath, take a step back, and reflect on what we have failed to do and what we intend to do going forward. I think this is a time to turn our hearts over to the Lord and give thanks for the many, many blessings He has poured down upon us. We are privileged to live in a country where we have the opportunity to vote- we are privileged to have family, friends, food, shelter, and protection. We know as Christians that our faith never rests in the hands of one man- our faith is in Christ Jesus, Who always has and always will work for our good; Who loves us with unceasing constancy and intensity. Our home is not here- our kingdom is not here. We belong in the world to come- so let us turn our gaze there and to our good and gracious King. Let us continue our good works here on earth, that we might be good citizens of the heavenly realm that awaits us.

Dreams and Goals

I close my eyes and am still. I place myself in the presence of God- what does that feel like? It feels peaceful, relaxed, it feels like being whole, one person, at rest. I wish I could stay this way forever. I should draw on this feeling throughout my day- bring this presence with me always.

I'm taken back to a time when I was busy, and loving it. I'm taken back to a time in my life when I had a goal and was pouring my whole self into accomplishing it. I see myself as I was, full of discipline, drive, and single-minded focus. I feel the feelings I had then, feelings of joy, fullness, fire, and life. And I wonder where all of that went.

Maybe it was when I started to fail at things I tried and gave up rather than pushed on. Or perhaps when I got put down by others and became too afraid of what people thought of me. Maybe it's because the biggest dreams I had actually came true. There are a variety of reasons why we stop trying, stop striving, stop *dreaming* about what we want and dedicate ourselves to the hard work it will take to get there.

My Father is calling me, encouraging me to start dreaming again, and this both surprises and excites me. We are never "finished." We are never "done" until our last breath is drawn. Just because I accomplished two of my life goals doesn't mean I hang up my towel and plug on- no! I had dreams in my youth, what will the dreams of my adulthood be?

What is Beautiful?

I can't tell you how many mornings I dread getting ready. I know how much effort it's going to take. I know what it takes to go from what I look like waking up to how I look when I walk out the door. Shower, foundation, concealer, powder, bronzer, blush, eye shadow, liner, curled eye lashes, mascara, lipstick. And that's all before I get to styling my hair...

As I was getting ready this morning, I took a good long look at my face in the mirror. What I saw were small red bumps that just showed up, freckles I've hated for years, a nose that looks too big, and a face that's too round. I saw myself and believed that I was ugly.

I forced myself to look myself in the eyes and really see myself. Not just the surface- but the spirit of who I am as a woman; as Holly. I saw resolve, and determination, and a soul that is battling a lot of demons, yet choosing to move forward anyway. And then I looked at all those things about my face that I thought to be ugly... and instead, I started to love them. I thought about how each and every one of those "imperfections" made me unique; natural "tattoos" that distinguished me from every other woman who ever was or ever will be. I thought about how fearfully and wonderfully made I was and how carefully and decidedly each and every part of me was called.

I am a miracle. YOU are a miracle. You are a unique and beautiful creation, distinct from every other person in this world. You are loved, simply because you exist. So today, I am choosing not to wear makeup. I am going to love myself, exactly as I am, because I was perfectly made by loving Hands. I am going to embrace those "flaws" I dislike, and accept them as a part of me, as a part of what makes me rare and valuable. I love how I look with makeup, but I don't want to feel like I have to wear it every time I go out. I want my outer beauty to merely be a reflection of what lies within.

Women, I invite you today to reflect on what makes you beautiful. What qualities or attributes do you admire when you look at yourself? What are your thoughts on beauty and makeup?

Stop Thinking

I don’t think I realize that I do it, or how much stress it puts on my body, but I stress; I stress so much. I am a chronic worrier. I see the scary side of the future and I overthink bad consequences. I focus, and focus, and focus on problems and get too overwhelmed to find solutions. This is a problem.

When I become too focused on a problem, when I worry and obsess about all possibilities and the size of my thoughts, I retreat, and not necessarily to a good place. I avoid, and I watch TV or read articles or eat another chip, and before I know it, I’ve spun myself into a web of unbearable stress.

Today as I journaled, I heard the voice of God in my heart: “Did you ever think that maybe I am calling you to do exactly what you are doing?” What a thought. Maybe I don’t have to stress about my future and figure out what the next step in my life should be; maybe the future God is calling me to is peace.

Why is this so hard? Because it all goes back to the overactive mind- the thoughts that race a million miles an hour. Even though we may be stuck in a lack of action, our brains push on. And we think to the point of exhaustion. And when we’re too tired from thinking, we try to shut it off by redirecting ourselves and diverting ourselves with mind-numbing activities.

I was called today to turn off my brain and embrace silence. I was called to lie down in a comfortable position, close my eyes, and stop thinking. I haven’t done that in months- no wonder I’m so stressed! I paid attention to my breathing. I witnessed thoughts instead of accepting them, and as quickly as they came to me, I let them float away. I felt deep, quenching, absolute peace, in my heart, in my brain, in my soul, in my body. My entire being, suspended in the most delicious darkness, the most satisfying silence. I couldn’t drink enough, and allowed myself to continue to be in this state.

Encouragement: try this. I want to help you- I want you to experience this life-changing exercise. I don’t have to know all the answers; I just have to let go and accept what God wants to give me- what He wants me to share with others. There’s a time for action, and a time for rest. Do you need some rest today? Please take it. As I opened my Bible for today’s readings I could not believe what I saw. The Gospel reading, like the cherry on top, like the love letter it was meant to be: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30

100 Miles an Hour

As I sat down to breakfast this morning, I thought I would take a moment and read the daily readings for today. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that today's Gospel reading was about Mary and Martha. I have been on a decision and to-do list roller coaster this past month and knew that God was speaking to me very clearly in this message. It seems lately that my mind races like Martha's, longs to be still like Mary's, but all the while feels guilty about taking a "time out."

God’s message is alluring and gentle: “You don’t have to go 100 miles an hour, all. the. time. Slow down. Slow down.” However, I feel guilty when I don’t go 100 miles an hour. I look at my husband who works so hard and think: “I’m not going fast enough.” I look at my friends who are excelling in life and career and think: “I’m going too slow, I need to move faster.” I look at yesterday’s to-do list, see too few items checked off, and think: “I’m way behind here,” and that old friend, Guilt, comes and whispers these phrases of failure to me in a continuous repeat.

This isn’t the way God wants us to feel. He doesn’t want us to be weighed down by these negative and destructive statements. He comes in today’s Gospel and whispers a new phrase to us: “Slow down, my dear, slow down. Breathe. Come rest. Relax back a while and let me love you.”

We don’t all have this luxury, do we? Some of us have young children, fast-paced careers, families, responsibilities, duties. Yes, we must do them, yes we must attend to our daily tasks. But let us let God’s words soothe and soften our hearts, and think about how we can respond accordingly in the manner each of us is capable. Could you find 5 minutes, or even one, to be still, and close your eyes, and picture God’s love washing over you like a warm, smoothing wave? Perhaps you don’t have to be on edge, tense your muscles, clench your teeth, and compulsively race through your day. Perhaps you could be a little gentler on yourself and move through your daily tasks in a calm and focused way. Instead of mentally flogging yourself at your failures, let your Father’s hands fall softly on your shoulders, let Him look into your eyes and let Him say: “My child, it’s okay. It’s okay. I am proud of you and I love you just as you are. I see you, and not your failures. Let me love you a little while. Guilt has no place here- let it go.”

Your Father is kind and loving, and He understands you and your mind. He knows you are trying your best, He knows when you are too exhausted to try, and He knows how much you hate yourself when you fail. What He comes to us today and says is that we don’t have to go so fast all the time; it’s OK to be Mary, not just sometimes, but dare I say it, all the time. Mary’s mind is focused on love, Martha’s mind is focused on loving service. Martha’s goal is just as noble and good as Mary’s, but Mary has allowed herself to slow the pace. She permits herself to recline at Jesus’ feet and be nourished and filled to the brim. We must first take a breath before we can exhale it out- we must first take in the embrace of love before we can give it away.

If you are frazzled, if you are anxious, if you are worried and overwhelmed, Jesus invites you today to slow… down. Relax at His feet; be renewed and refreshed. Release your guilt; it will most likely try to pull you away from this much-needed pause. Reassure yourself that this is what God wishes for you- He wants you to come into His arms, lay down your burdens and troubles, and be embraced. 10 seconds, 5 minutes, half an hour- whatever you can spare, allow yourself permission today to slow down, relax, and be loved.

“One thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.” –Luke 10:42

Step Into The Unknown

In the fall of 2008, I found myself staring into the mirror in an abandoned airport bathroom. Mascara smeared, eyes redder than fire, body weak and heart broken, I wondered what the hell I was doing here. Why had I left Texas? Texas: the home that had held and rocked me 18 years in its warm embrace. My luggage was gone, my ride delayed, my license stolen, my heart aching for having left the familiar and the lovely. Was it a mistake? Perhaps- but it was too late to do anything now. The loans had been taken out and there was nothing for it now but to gather up all the courage I had and step into the unknown. There I was- exhausted, scared, unsure, homesick, lonely; driving away in a white van; off to college.

The next four years can only be summed up in a simple yet appropriate word: unforgettable. It was there that I met my husband; it was there that I grew into a young woman; it was there that I was formally educated in the ways of the world; it was there that I made friendships that would last a lifetime, and memories that would never fade. What would have happened if I had decided to turn around and take the next flight out? Where would I be now if my courage had failed me and brought me back to “safety”? There really is no way of telling. I trust, however, that the path I chose, though scary and unknown, was the right one for me to take. I’ve often found it the case that the thing we fear the most is the very thing that opens up new layers of our best self. The future we fear is usually never the reality we experience.

So today, I challenge you to look at your life and face what scares you. Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t seem to shake those feelings of anxiety and paralysis. Don’t be afraid to step into the unknown, especially if you know in your heart that it’s right. You never know what’s just around the corner; it could be the very thing that could change your life in ways you never would have imagined.